How To Get Girls

Own everything you do. Everything you do is an expression of who you are.

Picture this scene. A man has been reading some articles about success with women on the Internet, and wants to go try it out. He walks up to a girl in the club and says “You’re gorgeous. I had to come up and say hi,” but he’s not making eye-contact. He’s looking off in another direction. He definitely doesn’t look as enamoured as he claims. The woman says “Thanks…” She immediately realises there is something wrong, and she excuses herself to go to the bathroom.

What happened here? The man wasn’t congruent with what he was saying. He said the words, but he didn’t really believe them at the moment when it mattered.

When you’re talk with a woman, you want to communicate on a deeper level than mere words. Your words, your tone of voice and your body language must be aligned in order to send the intended message. The woman needs to not just hear your words, but feel them.

As another example, you’ve probably noticed a man speaking to his friends in a bar, and his voice is warm and friendly. He goes up to the bar and orders a drink and says “Can I please get…” and you hear the warmth removed from his voice. It comes through very thin, his voice is higher and less resonant. He is stifled.

Or if you’ve ever been to karaoke, you’ll notice that it’s common for the serious singers to get up and sing. They hit every note. Timing is perfect. But nobody applauds. Then a complete amateur gets up, probably drunk, and misses nearly every note, but sings with his whole heart. Everyone applauds.

The reason is this: People can feel when you’re being real. That congruence and authenticity shines out like a beacon, and it is very attractive to women because as soon as they meet you, they know who you are. That is true charisma.

So how can you get a healthy degree of congruence? Drinking alcohol can help you be authentic, but if you rely on alcohol for confidence you’re going to have some obvious problems.

What I recommend is this: speak with everyone as if they are your friend. Practise being authentic with people. Try making conversation with the check-out girl, ask how her day has been or give her a compliment. Develop your own warmth and authenticity. If you find your voice getting locked into that stifled, thin mode, try singing to unlock it – the louder the better.

Go out and have fun guys, and I’ll talk to you soon.